So many times I remembered talking to my Dad how lucky and blessed we have been for decades to pass without ever have tragedy touch this huge inner circle we call our immediate family.
My Mom and Dad, five kids ... Four girls and one boy. Now add five spouses and 13 Grandkids where two are married and two are engaged and three Great Grandkids and our core is 32 strong.
Never had cancer or accidents entered that wall that surrounded us and all that changed when JM - Juvenile Myositis causes the first fracture in 2010 that put us all on notice that we are possibly not immune....
Luckily we fought back started feeling safe again.
Granted I have lived with the fear of my parents approaching age for years but just as I tell my boys we will reach the 100 year mark I thought I could will my parents long lividly as well!
Then 2013 rolled in .... No big waves initially, just the Influenza for Connor which had us miss a wedding in January. Then came the call from my Mom on February 17/18 that my so beloved and adored sister Carmen suffered a Heart Attack during the night and was in the Intensive Care Unit in Heidelberg. Just typing this now gives me goosebumps again as that felt like a punch in my stomach.
Just three days later I received another call from my Mom. This time my beautiful sister in law was brought to the Hospital by my brother due to severe stomach pain. It turned worse in seconds after their arrival with a ruptured stomach and colon and she has been in and out of a coma since then. She is in the Intensive Care Unit now in Bad König and each time we think there is slight improvements as in her opening her eyes she turns two steps back. She fights fevers and had to many surgeries to count. 4 months and counting....
I will forever be grateful to my husband who took the boys and I to Germany for 2 weeks in April to celebrate our babies 9th BD with our family here. Looking back now, but not realizing it then, was and is the greatest gift I could have ever received.
Now I talk to my Mom about every two to three days when I am home and I was very edgy about the news comping from my Dad lately
He had had a checkup and his bypasses were pretty clogged up again and he was told he needed two new stents put in. Looking back this last procedure was the first nail in the coffin ... he was told they could not let him stop with his blood thinner medications as had been done in the past due to their fear of a heart attack. The procedure was done and my Dad went home after three days in the hospital with a huge bruise that covered half of his body. He had also received a new medication that he was unhappy about. He said it made him feel sick and after a few days of taking it and reading the side effects he decided to discontinue it. That was the day I had facetimed with my Mom and Dad. he looked to grey and tired and I recall clearly talking to him to sit down and rest as he had bern standing up and leaning over my Moms shoulder to see us on the iPad. Sadly by then it was already way to late. The medicine had caused internal bleeding and he had lost so much blood that he needed blood transfusions. From the loss of blood his heart valve was damaged and on Saturday the Surgeon told my family that he will be a top priority for a heart valve replacement surgery the following Tuesday. My Mom and Sister drove home after the conversation and after visiting with my Dad who was alert and awake and who signed the surgery documents.
I first got a Skype call from my Nephew Sebastian that very night who said that Papa had gone into cardiac arrest and that the team is working on him and that the whole family was on the way to Heidelberg. 30 minutes later I got a phone call from my sister Carmen that he had left us. The team at the hospital worked on him for 1 1/2 hours and his death was confirmed at 21:45....
Truly I felt as if the earth opened up and I was falling into a crack without anything to hold on. Ron was flying and the boys were luckily playing outside. I cried and cursed the fact that I was so far from home. Luckily I was able to get a hold of Ron who has been my Rock since this day! He took charge off getting me set up for a flight out and I just had to function to pack bags and then face the boys. They came running in about 45 minutes later and I told them to sit down on Mama and Papas bed and I gave them the news. I was lucky to have had 42 years, Ron 15 and the boys 8. The three of us curled up and cried for a good 30 minutes before I put them on the sofa with their iPads as a distraction.
To this point my biggest challenge has been to stay strong and not let my pain show as I know I need to be the rock to others now that my Dad was to me.
The nights are my enemy now and thanks to Ron again, I am now in Germany to help my Mom and to be surrounded by my sisters and my brother. I know in my heart that it will be hard to go home and deal with this heartbreak without the distractions I have here.
I crave home and the need for everything to be 'right' again but how does one prepare to leave the only parent one has left??????
My parents were the perfect match.... 58 years of a journey that my Mom compares to a river. Smooth and Calm. Never were there fights, and NEVER was there ever the word 'divorce' in either's minds or thoughts. They were friends and lovers who created this amazing proud and strong family.
Now after all this I would have thought how much more can we face as a family? ... My brother in law was admitted into the ICU the week of the Funeral with so much Fluids around his lungs that it caused him breathing issues and lots of pain. He was admitted to one famous Cancer Clinic in Germany, the Thorax Clinic in Rohrbach by Heidelberg. The break we got was that no cancer was found! Now they are still keeping him as there is still no explanation about the fluid which keeps draining at a steady pace....
Klaudia of course is always on our minds. We got to see her last Saturday and we are planning on going back next week.
I am not going to challenge or question God. My Dad was a strong Lutheran who took great comfort in his believe. We found a very worn piece of paper that he had made and handled often and that we believe gave him peace:
Psalm 23
Der Herr ist mein Hirte,
Mir wird nichts mangeln.
Er weided mich auf einer grünen Aue
Und führet mich zum frischen Wasser.
Hugs,
R A C A
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ReplyDeleteHugging your hearts
❤❤❤ Hugs to you as well Pippi!
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